i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize