I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize