He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Fuck me I smell like cheese
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize