Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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