We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize