you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
why do cheetos always look like penises
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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