I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
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Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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