You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
