I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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