I cannot find my penis.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They have beer where we have blood.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize