yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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