Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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