I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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