So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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