dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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