you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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