you turned your livingroom into a bong?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
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Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
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i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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