Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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