Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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