Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
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It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
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You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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