dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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