Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize