i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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