Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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