It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
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Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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