Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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