that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
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Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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