I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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