I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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