We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
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Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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