I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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