His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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