I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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