i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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