I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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