Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
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No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's shark week go big or go home
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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