my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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