Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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