I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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