you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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