I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize