Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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