the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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