I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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