dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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