I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize