Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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