is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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