1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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