I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
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Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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