Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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