she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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