I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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