I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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