Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize